“I’m £15k in Debt and Hiding It from My Husband”

Debt feels heavy enough on its own — but carrying it in secret can feel unbearable. That was the heart of a listener dilemma we unpacked on The Vault this week.

“I feel like I’m really stuck in bad money cycles and have been for as long as I can remember. I’m 37 with £15k debt from credit cards that I’m so ashamed of. I’m currently on maternity leave for the second time in 3 years (which has resulted in more debt!!) and my husband has no idea.

I feel sick at the thought of telling him because I feel like I should have my shit together by now. I’ve made a list of my debts but there isn’t anything I can do about paying anything off until I return to work in October.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with chronic bad money habits? I have no idea where to start. I feel so determined to make things better but also feel very lost and stuck.” 

If you’ve ever hidden debt (or even just avoided opening your banking app), you’ll know the mix of shame, fear, and guilt that comes with it. But here’s the truth: there’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re definitely not alone.

Why we hide debt

Shame is one of the biggest reasons people keep debt a secret. Add in maternity leave, reduced income, and the pressure to “have it all together” by a certain age, it can be so difficult to reach out. But secrecy doesn’t make the debt go away, it just adds more weight to carry.

Talking to your partner

The scariest part is often the conversation. Here’s how to approach it:

• Choose your moment — not when emotions are already high, or the kids are mid-tantrum.
• Be honest, not defensive — “I’ve been struggling, and I want to be open about it” lands better than a rushed confession.
• Get clear about your debt — even if repayments can’t start until you’re back at work, having a list of debts written down is a powerful first step. You can track your debts in the financielle app. 

Chances are, your partner will care more about supporting you than the number itself. And once it’s out in the open, you can tackle it as a team.

Breaking bad money cycles

It’s easy to fall into debt again and again if nothing changes underneath. Start small:

• Track, don’t judge — awareness is the first step to breaking habits.
• Build buffers — even putting small amounts towards a mini emergency fund can stop the cycle of leaning on credit. We can’t recommend sinking funds enough – they save lives!
• Challenge the shame — debt is a situation, not an identity. You’re not “bad with money” forever.
• Think about your plan — there are different strategies you can use for paying off debt i.e. snowball, avalanche. Click here to find out more about these! 

Moving forward

To our listener, you might not be able to throw money at the debt for a few months, but that doesn’t mean you’re powerless now. You can build awareness, map out a repayment plan, and (hardest of all) share the truth with your partner.

Because here’s the thing: hiding debt protects no one. Being honest opens the door to support, teamwork, and a fresh start.

🎧 Listen to Episode 80 of The Vault
Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube

P.S. If you’re really struggling with debt, Breathing Space could help. It’s a powerful, government-backed scheme that gives you 60 days of legal protection from most types of debt-related stress.