I Offered to Help Plan the Hen Do, Not Pay for It

In this week’s episode of The Vault, we’re diving into a dilemma that had us nodding (and wincing) in solidarity:

What happens when you offer to help with a hen do… but end up being treated like the bank?

The Dilemma

Our listener’s friend is getting married next year… in Las Vegas. And while she’d love to be there, she’s already been honest: she can’t afford the trip.

Fair enough, right?

Her friend was super understanding and instead, she offered to help plan the UK based hen do with the maid of honour. Researching Airbnbs, managing the spreadsheet, and helping pull everything together for around 10 guests.

But here’s the issue:
Even though she’s helping plan it, she never offered to pay for it, especially not upfront.

The maid of honour is barely active in the group chat, and it’s starting to feel like everyone expects her to front the costs. And while there are apps to split payments, someone still has to put the Airbnb on their card first and she’s not willing to do that.

And here’s the thing: she shouldn’t have to.

Support Doesn’t Mean Sacrifice

This listener is doing everything right. She’s been open about her boundaries. She’s helping where she can. And she’s made a commitment to protect her finances, including saying no to credit cards and avoiding new debt.

Taking on the full cost of a hen do booking?
That would go against everything she’s been working towards.

The Problem With Group Trips

If you’ve ever planned one, you’ll know:

• People ghost the chat.
• One person ends up doing all the work.
• And somehow… that same person ends up covering the bill “just until everyone pays.”

So… Who Should Pay the Deposit?

The honest answer? Whoever is comfortable and able to.

And if that’s not you, you are 100% allowed to say so.

Apps like Collctiv can help spread the cost but someone still has to front it, and that should never be assumed.

How to Set a Clear (and Kind) Boundary

Here’s one way to say it without the guilt:

“Hey, I’m still happy to help with the planning, but I won’t be able to pay the deposit or front any big costs. I’ve set some strict money rules for myself this year, and putting large amounts on my card just isn’t something I’m comfortable with. I just wanted to be really clear now so there’s no awkwardness later.”

🎧 Listen to Episode 76 of The Vault
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